I hate my life - through the lens of a job seeker

I received yet another rejection email today and it hurt more than normal because it was such a cool company with the perfect position for me.  I dreamed of flying drones all day...  Until I heard "the buzz" and I read the first few words that were visible on my phone's update:

Hi Anthony,

Thanks for the note, I was just going to send you an update today. 

It was great talking with you last week. I appreciate your interest and enthusiasm in Company X, it has not gone unnoticed. Unfortunately, your experience does not align directly with our requirements for this role. We’re needing a candidate with a few more years of experience in high-volume global logistics.

Should something more fitting open up, I’ll reach out. I wish you the best in your search, and thank you again for taking the time to follow up with me.

Thanks,

CJ

Poof - there go my dreams.  Disrespected and trampled into oblivion with no regard for human kindness.  I let this soak in for a good 3 hours or so and allowed myself to hate my life for just a short bit of time.  Then I hit em with this email

Hi CJ,

Thank you for the follow up.  I had to let this sink in a bit before I replied because I'm pretty disappointed.  However, I understand and appreciate the transparency.    

If anything comes up, please let me know because Company X is still my #1 option and I feel like there are supply chain problems through our conversations I can solve.  

If I can come and consultant or work on projects for you guys as a contractor - please let me know because I know I could hit the ground running and immediately have an impact on the bottom line.

Good luck with everything.  Hope to hear from you soon and to see your drones flying all over the world.

Thanks,

Anthony

**********************************************************

Now a lot of back drop to this story.  I haven't found a job in 5 months (hate my life theme).  This was a great company, they already rejected me, but I have one last shot to reach and work for them as a contractor because I'd rather work for them than anyone else.  See my enthusiasm he pointed out?  It's real.  It could be unprofessional, I could be selling myself short, or I just could be really desperate.  But it's worth a shot, right?  It is to me because there is nothing left to lose.  Other than my dignity, but I'll get that back.  

What does your web browser look like at the end of the day?

          

Today I will try a different way of writing.  Can you tell me how things have changed?  (Disclaimer:  I watched Ex Machina last night and am having thought provoking conundrums.  Did I use that right?  Whatever.  

This is my web browser at the end of the day.  It show a lot of Facebook because Philz Coffee makes me sign in to use their internet.  Otherwise you would've seen some CRAZY stuff.  I've been doing a bad job about closing out subjects in my life.  There seems to be so many cool opportunities, different avenues to approach, places to be, people to meet, things to study, creativity to be unleashed, jobs to be dominated, people to be charmed, people to help, languages to speak, food to EAT, horns to beep, places to sleep, great things to repeat...  Someone once said "Anything good in life is worth over doing" and sometimes I believe that.  Especially when there is anything chocolate around me.    

LOL!  This is honestly one of the times I make myself laugh out loud when I'm writing, talking, or even just thinking.  Some people think I'm rude because I often laugh just by myself.  They think I'm rude but honestly it's just something so weird in my mind that I don't think anyone would laugh at but me.  

Let's call her the "S.O" shout out to ThuyKha always tells me I always laugh at my own jokes so this theory has been confirmed.  She keeps it 100% REAL.  Southern girls from ATL are less likely to mess around or hinder the truth from bearing it's beautiful face. 

In conclusion, just looking at my browser makes me stressed out cause I wonder what I need to read.  How is your browser?  Do you clean it up and read everything IMMEDIATELY?  I have a folder called "Get Got" that I use to place articles that should be read but everyday there's just more stuff.  I'm just going to start doing everything now.  If I don't start doing this, I'll give money to someone in SFO.

The worst email ever written

I got a call today from a recruiter for a job at LinkedIn for a Inventory Control Analyst.  Sounds pretty sweet.  The recruiter asked for a cover letter so this is what I wrote and once I read it, I seriously considered going back to grammar school.  Or just any education institute in general due to the lack of mental fortitude.

Dear LinkedIn,

            I have over 5 years of experience within the global supply chain with a great understanding of inventory from a US Fortune 500 company perspective to a German ecommerce startup in Asia.  I’ve worked in warehouses starting from receiving to managing a 30 man team for 3,000 SKUs and 50,000 items on hand.  I have great familiarity with ERP systems in general with an analytical way to make decisions based off Excel formulas.

Sincerely,

Person who won't get this job offer if he/she does not rewrite this whole thing

Enlightenment Moment

I feel like my mind, body, and soul have been enlightened in these past few days.  I want to capture that moment.

Everything seems to be going in the right direction.  I feel as though I understand the process and am able to step back and enjoy the journey.

I'm aware.

For now, because I could easily slip right back into negativity at any time as I am known to do on occasion.  I like to dabble in a little bit of everything because I have a philosophy on life that it

"it takes some good to make it hurt" (taken directly from Jazon Mraz's Life is Wonderful song)

Which means that you need to feel pain to know what feeling good is like.  You need to be depressed to know what it's like to be happy.  You NEED to be down, so that you can appreciate life that when you are UP.  How can you appreciate something if you've never experienced both sides of it?  

I have felt what it is like to not have feelings in your fingers, your hands, throat, and even my other bodily functions.  I just felt that and now, thankfully/gratefully/appreciatively know what it is like to feel my fingers and toes.  To have full function of my own body and clear vision (debatable).

Everything just feels good.  Hope my writing gets better from this point on.

I wonder how fast I type.  I am thinking 137+ using backspace.  Probably 150 without, whatever.  The main thing is that I just love to type because it's natural for me since games don't play themselves.

What do you need to learn in order to be successful?

As my boy James was mention the other day....  

The only thing you should learn is to learn thyself.  Who are you really?  

It makes me think about how I want to help teach my nieces and the nephew.  If I had a day with them, how could I change their lives?  How could I be so life altering that it ripples into their teenage and early adulthood or better yet, until they are in diapers again at 130 years old?

Learn how to identify what makes you happy and how that shapes your character.

Oh yeah and be more aware.  If someone cuts you in line, maybe they are not rude.  Maybe they just weren't taught some manners.  If you're a girl and someone doesn't open the door for you, maybe they weren't lucky enough to be shown how women ought to be treated.  Lady like.

Chess and Life is about Positioning

I've been obsessed with chess for the past few weeks ever since I started playing again.

My brother taught me as a kid and we played a few times.  Then I started playing again around the age of 25 with my cousins almost every night on Skype.  I started playing consistently though in Vietnam when I found a great group of people who would play chess and drink coffee on Sundays.  Sounds perfect to me.

It has allowed me to meet amazing people, think intellectually, and play a game at the same time.

But then I went to play chess off Meetup.com thinking my game was sharp after having played so much recently and having a burning sensation to mentally demoralize someone.  I love degrading people (in games) and really just putting them down to sleep.  Finishing or really the best word is killing.  To kill however, you need to be in the right position and these guys at this chess meet up showed me.  I got destroyed en route to a 2-10 record that day.  I think we played for about 6-7 hours switching between the 7 or so people there but in summary I got destroyed.  At that point, I realized I was in a whole new league - towards the bottom.  Which I totally did not expect, I was damn near Grand Master in my mind but these players showed me the truth and exposed my weaknesses.

My openings were horrible and thus lead to unfavorable positioning.

This ties into my life for both my career and personal development.

VK #1 told me it's about positioning.  If you can position yourself in a favorable situation then you're chances of success increase dramatically and it's almost impossible to fail unless you lose your focus.
I am starting to realize that chess and life can be viewed, played, and theorized in the same context.

Victorious VK entry #1

Today begins a series of Viet Kieu (VK) interviews I may or may not continue in the future.  The VK in question will remained anonymous for now but are basically just meaningful conversations I have with great friends.  VKs who I think are cool.

I asked VK #1 about his advice for my current situation and what can be done between San Francisco and Vietnam.  The next step in the journey that is life right before the dawn of the triple trifecta aka 30.

"A high ride floats all boats."
"It's all about positioning."

These two quotes go together because if you position yourself in the proper place in the sea, you will rise with the tide.  It doesn't matter if you're the biggest or most experienced boat, the ride rises everything.  Position yourself in the trajectory of booming places like Saigon and San Francisco.  The United States and Vietnam.

"What can THEY do for ME?"

This is debatable.  But at the end of the day, it's really about what people can do for you.

"Be known for something and step out."

You need to be known for something that is interesting thus everlasting.  I can't just be Tony a trucker from the US.  I'm Tony the tactician living and working in Turkey, who also doubles as a magician in Mongolia.  I want to know more about that guy and if I was ever looking for magic kits for kids 10 and under, I'd think of him.  If I had to assassinate someone in Turkey, I'd think oh man there was that tactician in Turkey!  He might know some people...

I'm Anthony the logistics and operations guy in Vietnam and San Francisco.  That sounds repulsive repeating to myself but that's what I am.  I'm owning it.

Then just step out.  "Own it."

P.S.  I've been writing this at a Starbucks inside of a grocery store sitting next to a lady who's been talking on the phone really loudly and awkwardly while watching her iPad at a very uncomfortable sound level.  After about 30 minutes, I realized she has been talking and laughing to herself this whole time.  Ho-ly Mo-ly.

The Power of Value

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/value

: the amount of money that something is worth : the price or cost of something

: something that can be bought for a low or fair price

: usefulness or importance

Isn't this completely wrong?  I wonder what a little kid would say if you asked them what value meant and I'm talking about like a 10 year old kid or maybe even a 13 year old raised in the suburbs of middle America.

IN MY OPINION (IMO - which took me forever to understand, always just breezed past it) this definition and a lot of people's definition makes value calculable in dollars.

Are you successful once you achieve a $100,000 salary a year?  Or when you FINALLY reach $1,000,000?  You're a MILLIONAIRE.  KABOOOOM!!!  What do you think your happiness percentage will be once you reach that goal?  Is there a 100% you will be truly happy?  What would you do if you reached it?  Can't you do that right now?  What will you do and how much money does that ACTUALLY take?  

I want to live in a SFO apartment for $5,000 a month or $60,000 a year  cause I'm a gangster.

I want to be able to fly all over the world at any time which let's say is $10,000 a year.

I want to take an Uber EVERYWHERE because I dislike driving.  Who knows, but can't be more than $20,000 a year and that's definitely way over but I want to be driven like a boss.  I want to eat like a beast, who the fuck cares $100,000 a year - JUST. ON. FOOD.  Mostly lobster and Kobe beef.

60 +  10 + 20 + 100 + 100 (a salaried 100k job just for fun) = $290,000 a year for me and I'll tack on $10k to spend on my nieces and the nephew.  $300,000 a year to live a lifestyle I just threw out there.  That's possible, right?  

So a more realistic goal is to be like $300k rather than be a millionaire cause then I'd have whatever I want in LIFE and more.

Back to the power of value...  I've got an interview in 3 minutes and I'm sitting here thinking about the power of value.  How I can add more value to my life and more importantly add value to other people's lives.  That's something I will conscious do from now on and I think you should too.  Actually, I know it.  Go and add value to other people because it will only enlighten you.

A. Trinh

A message to my Gurlz coming upon the age of 7 from a Super Saiyan

If I could (and I can and will) sit in a room with my two oldest nieces what would I teach them?  How can I change their lives?

Imagine yourself in a room with two almost 7 year old girls that you love.  They are cousins.  You are their uncle who has spent a great deal of time with them growing up, but have been traveling and for the past 3 years.  But now you're reunited and they still remember you.  Amazing.  They even sometimes retell you stories of when they were kids and you brought them to a park and found bird poop on the swings.  Over 3 years ago!  Beautiful.

If I'm in a room with them, this is what I'd do.

********

Girls.  How are you doing today?

Now, I know the UNCK hasn't been around much lately cause you know I've been traveling to crazy places like Vietnam and San Francisco!  BUT I am here now and I love you.

I know I've missed a lot of time with you but I've been keeping track.

@Bel, I know you've been KILLIN it in karate.
@Maya, I see you in front on stage dancing with your tip toes.

I love it all and I'm so happy to see you girls being such beasts.  You've grown up so much and look at you, you're both huge!  Probably still couldn't wrestle me down though.

 (Then we'd wrestle and resume the convo)

Now since we have this amazing opportunity to spend time together, us three, let's have a talk.  Huddle up.  OK, first off - group hug.

OK.  Now down to business.  I've got some questions for you girls that I have been DYING (I pretend to die) to ask you now that you're so much older, bigger, and smarter.

I'd ask them some what I hope to be meaningful questions that will help shape their minds.  I stole these points from lifehack.com though but would definitely ask them the following:

http://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifestyle/15-questions-ask-your-kids-help-them-have-good-mindsets.html

Who knows what well thought out questions can do for a budding human being.  What inspiration they can catch or curiosity that tickles their nose.  It's all about teaching them to explore, wonder, and do.  I want to add value to their lives and wonder what questions or actions can help be come a Super Saiyan Uncle instead of just a Super Uncle.

Discipline is the Greatest Trait of All Time

What is the most important attribute in the world for a human being?

Discipline.  Don't even argue with me - it just is.  If you ahve discipline, you can teach yourself anything.  You can train your body properly.  You can raise children with manners.  You basically become impregnable.

I got super pissed at a $4 toothbrush today

Today I woke up and on my way to the bathroom I saw my essentials were missing:

1.  Toothbrush
2.  Tooth paste
3.  Contact Solution
4.  Contact Case
5.  Gel
6.  Floss

I opened up one of those shady mirror medicine cabinets we have and all my stuff was in there along with my FOUR DAY NEW toothbrush, electric disposables ones from Costco (the best) on the flood of this dirty ass medicine cabinet ledge.  I was so furious I immediately just continued on to take my shower.  I was fuming in the shower, face palming myself and letting out a groan of UGHHHH.  I was distressed.

I come out and all my stuff is there again.  I know who just did it.  I called this person and said they were cleaning and it would have only sat there for 5-10 minutes.

I thought and said probably in a very aggressive manner "You put my toothbrush on there where it is dirty and was going to put it back.  You are saying sorry for not telling me about it, but what if I didn't catch it?  You would have just put it back and I wouldn't have known and brushed my teeth with it.  Thank you for cleaning but I personally think that's disgusting."  She continued to say sorry she did not know, but personal hygiene is very important to me.  Something I sickly NEED in my life.  Cleanliness and a high degree of personal hygiene.

Fine, call me weird.

I take two showers a day.
I actually wash my hands after I go to the bathroom.
I use paper to open the bathroom door as I leave cause I just washed my hands and I know not everyone does.  Otherwise I use my pinky in the area I think people grab the least, like the very top of one of those C shaped handles.
I will pretend to wash my hands a little longer, dry them a little more thoroughly if I see that a guy is going to open the door so I don't have to touch it.
I brush my teeth every morning and every night.
I have strictly sleeping clothes only and will never lay on my bed with clothes that I wear outside.
I change my underwear every time I take a shower which means I'm wearing 3 different pairs of underwear every day of my life.
I only wear shirts once then wash it.
I used to wear pants only once, but living alone changed that and now I rewear it a few times or until it's dirty OR if I'm doing laundry.
If I wear my hat, I think my head is now dirty unless I just washed it and have only worn it briefly and didn't sweat in it.
I slept on my clean t shirts in a hostel/hotel/guesthouse because I think it's cleaner than their washing.

I'm all over the place.  But the moral of the story is that  I super pissed over something so small.

Life's crazy when someone touches your toothbrush.  

Should I share my ideas with people? Or just let them know the final result?

I've been trying to become an idea machine and have probably cranked out at least 200 thus far.  I just got done listening to a podcast that begs the question should you share your ideas with people or will explaining and defending it take up too much of your time?

For example, if you are writing a book.

If I had this great idea about a book, like a entitled "Viet Kieu OG Killas" about the most gangster and most humble Vietnamese Americans or Vietnamese French/German/Chinese who "made it" in Vietnam.  If I had this idea for this book, if I told everyone would I have to take so much time explaining it to each person that it'd take away from my ultimate goal?  Yes.  Yes I do!

My philosophy just changed and it is to share my ideas, but also keep a close secret as to which ones are too elaborate to explain on a mass basis.

Drop the mic.

Dark Post about Repatriation

People talk about it.  You might read about it if you're planning to go and work abroad.

Repatriation is basically when you come back to the location you were before you set off to your exotic journey of working abroad AND traveling.  So when I left MSP to live and work in SGN for 2.5 years it was amazing.  Now it is almost one year (plus 2 days) so on June 10th, 2014 I was diagnosed with guillain barre syndrome.

It didn't even really hit me until a few weeks ago though I was actually in SFO.  It's almost as if this last year just sped past me, but this year it was extra fast.

Chronicles of my life a year ago in one month and two days

June 9th - I'm in Vietnam and just started my new job, 2nd week or work and ThuyKha leaves back to ATL at midnight
June 10th - Admit myself to the hospital in D1, then D7, then D5
Early Julyish - I fly back to the US and spend a few days in ANA before heading back to MSP
August/September -  Physical and occupational therapy two a days (just like NFL and NBA players) along with a special nurse gives me King treatment
September - I fall and crash my niece's scooter, scar up my body and beautiful face for the rest of my life but lesson well learned.
End of September I move to SFO, start my new job on September 28th or 29th to receive health insurance for October
December 27th - the day after Christmas I get fired for the first time ever.
End of December - I finally get a life long achievement award and have someone pay for my flight and hotel.  I ended up going to CES in Las Vegas and getting horribly sick the moment I return.
December - Boo boo came to visit for the next two months!
January and February - Discover San Francisco, Monterey, Carmel, Twin Peaks, Kirby Cove, Golden Gate Bridge, Mission District, 24th Street in Noe Valley, hipster cafes, Pacifica and the beach, Highway 1, drove to LA and spend 2 weeks there with my family + Laguna Beach, San Luis Obispo and Santa Barbara on the way back.  Santa Cruz, Half Moon Bay, Pier 39 and Fisherman's Wharf, the Ferry Building and scary SF downtown late at night, Super Duper Burger, home cooked meals with organic produce from Trade Joe's and multiple fun Costco runs.  Learning how to make Hispanic food with hella cheese.
April my mentor and straight OG killa comes to SFO from Vietnam and we get to catch up
April my bro and his family come, I finally meet my first nephew
May my best friend from MN comes and we play 30+ games of chess in 4 days, I come out victorious

May 8th, 2015.

Meant to write about repatriation.  OH!  My point is that after almost a year of coming back to the US, I'm still having effects of repatriation because I don't feel comfortable.  I can''t seem to find the place I where I fit in and am actually happy.

ALSO!  Aren't there side effects from having a life threatening episode like guillian barre syndrome?  I wonder if there are any emotional painful periods and do I need psychological counseling to help me adapt?!  Or is that just crazy talk?  I don't know.  Whatever.

Resetting with my boy D

Just hung out with basically my best friend here in SF.  We played a lot of chess and drank a lot of coffee.  Told him about Saigoncisco and this period in time in my life.  Listened to his current period in time of doing deals for Prospect Park Properties.

Now that he is gone, I feel like I'm starting fresh.  This whole experience and with a new approach.  To be smart, witty, cunning, EFFICIENT, productive, hard working, curious, passionate, positive, LOVING, and just overall gangster with it.  Make what I want.  Get what I want.  Do what I can.

"Seek what art thou seek." Anthony 5.6.2015